i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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