Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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