Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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