I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
