I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
