hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
