She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
