Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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