so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
