Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
is wine microwaveable?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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