Can i not drive my cunt home
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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