I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i think i scared a bird with my dick
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
