Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
