Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
