i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
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this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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