Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
