I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
