Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
