"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
