I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
