Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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