I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Buhtt sex?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
