So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
