How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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