I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
