I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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