You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
