so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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