You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
