i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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