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Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You don't make any sense
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