Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
