Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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