one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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