I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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