the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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