not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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