My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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