I never want to see another naked old woman again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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