Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
