Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
