I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
