i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
