Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
