I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How does it feel to date your dad?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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