At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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