what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
