well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
