I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
