:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
