The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
