i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
