Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
