I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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