OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
