my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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