I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
