PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize