You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
