I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
