Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
