I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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