oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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