There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
