I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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