i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
