I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
