I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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His hands were made for my vagina.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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