My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
