I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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