There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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