I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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