if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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